You Are Loved. .

Lately, my mind is been a jumbled, I’m not going to say mess, because I know what I’m thinking, and it’s all pretty positive, just a lot to think about!

So, on one hand, church has been wonderful. After the service I talked about on here, I’ve been thinking a lot, and I’ve just really thought more on how, I don’t want anything else in this world but God. For a long time, I’ve been stuck on this one guy, and lately he’s just been in the back of my mind..I’ve stopped thinking about him in a way, of feelings for him, there slowly just going away. And that’s a very good thing for me, because we have two different thought processes, and we’re different. He’s got this thought process on kind of, other girls, friends that he’s around, and the way he talks, it’s just different, and he’s changing, and I hate that. Because I feel like he could get so much more in life, so hopefully that will change for him. But, my thought continually has been, in order for me to even have any sort of love relationship, I have to be content with me. I have to be content with myself, and my relationship with God. Because only then will I be able to love someone else, and let someone else love me. So, I’m content, and i’m working on my relationship with God! It’s great. 

Also, my Mom came to church this past Sunday night, she surprised me! She prayed and sought after God, and it was just so amazing. Hopefully, and I KNOW she will receive the Holy Ghost pretty soon:) I also got to pray with a young girl, she’s about 13, she’s had a rough life. She’s gone through a lot of things, and I know she gets picked on at school. She’s been very kind of in the background, she puts on the touch front. She says she hates church, yet she still comes. But Sunday night, she prayed, and cried, and I prayed with her, along with others, but you could just see the desperation on her face, and it just hit me. I told her afterwards, that I am always here when she needs someone to talk to. She will be in my prayers, very specially because I feel like she needs God in her life, and I pray that she can trust with everything she’s got!

College update:

I have decided on Middle School Education, English teacher, with a minor in Social Studies. I will be finishing up my basics this next semester. But, I have really felt strongly about Bible College for a long time. So, before I start on finishing up my major choice, I am going to try to go. So, I compared a few, and the prices, and what they offer, and I will be in the process saving up some money, and hopefully I may be able to get some of the scholarships they offer. But, it’s not too much, so if I have to take out a loan and pay it back over the years. My goal is to maybe try to start this next year, if not spring semester, then the fall. But, it’s a definite that I will be TRYING to do it!! I want more of God!! I want to expand, I want to get out, and I want to gain friendships, and more knowledge on what God wants me to be.

:)

Also, feel free to message me!! I would love to help or just talk. If you want me to write about something, I WOULD LOVE TO! Please, inbox me! Love you all, thank you so much for following me!!

I want to share my thoughts about everything that has gone on this week with the Boston Marathon Shooting. Before I even start, I want to say, I am not saying this in any rude manor, nor do I have the mindset, “I am right and you are wrong.” I just feel very strongly this way, but I would love to hear other opinions, please don’t be rude, but I would love to hear other thoughts.

I have this thought in my head, that a person is a person, no matter what. We are all human beings, we all live on earth, we all breathe, we all have a great big God that sees us, no matter if you believe in him or not. No person, not one person should deserve to be killed on this earth. Nobody has the right to kill anybody. 

With that said, innocent lives were taken and injured critically, at the Boston Marathon Bombing. It makes me horribly sick thinking about it, and I watched the news this morning, and it made me even more sick. The two suspects were brothers, 26 and 19 years old. They were seen walking down the sidewalk, casually as if they did not just plant bombs to kill innocent lives. Were they thinking of those people? No probably not. Were they thinking of how wrong it is? I think, that somewhere in their mind at least one of them was feeling a tinge of guilt. The oldest one died in a gun fight with policemen after they shot and killed a police officer, but the 19 year old escaped. All that was said of the classmates who graduated with the 19 year old was positive. He was funny, he was a good guy, he was nice to be around. They never once thought that this could happen. They knew he went to college, but not sure where. What happened to him in that year, we may never know, but I believe either something went wrong to mess up his thinking, or someone encouraged him or threatened him into participating in this horrendous act.

I looked at the picture, of this 19 year old boy, and I thought, he would have had such a life ahead of him, Why did he do this? Right now, he is in critical condition, they captured him, but he has injuries. 19 years old. In my opinion I really just don’t see how he could have come up with this himself, no I’m not an expert on their country, but I know he was in America for at least 10 years, and he was a good student in High School. Yes, I’m aware he could have said “I’m not doing this.” But, how do we know that someone had a major threat against  him? How do we know that there isn’t more to the story? The news doesn’t get everything. Please know that I’m not at all saying that it was totally okay that those killed and hurt people in that big group. A bomb, that is extremely serious, extremely. But, my thoughts are this:

I keep going back to thinking, I know beyond a shadow of the doubt, God had nothing to do with them harming those people, killing, injuring loved ones. Did he want that to happen? NO. But, just like God didn’t want innocent people hurt….do you think he wants those two killed for their crime? I mean, think about it, really. If someone was to say that, yes, I think God would think they deserve death, that’s like saying that every person in the world who sins, and fall short of the glory of God, and messes up, and really hurts people deserve to die. God wants everyone to have the chance. I’m aware that in Bible days, they stoned people for sinning, and all, but I just can’t wrap my head around the thought that just like God didn’t want those innocent people harmed, I don’t believe he would want these guys dead either, although one is already, because of the gunfire. 

I know they caused harm, I know they did it on purpose, I know that. But, everyone needs a chance. Yes, I do believe they should be punished. I think if the 19 year old lives through his condition, he should be in prison, he should be locked up. He was in a plan that killed and hurt innocent people, no matter what background he has, he will think about that while in there. He’s already thinking about it now. It will haunt him for the rest of his life. His brother is dead, that will haunt him for the rest of his life. He deserves punishment, but not death, in my opinion. Once again, no those people did not deserve what happened in that bombing. They are innocent, and did nothing. Just like you and me, but think about it. What do  you think God would really say about this? What would he do? Would he sentence them to death? I don’t believe so.

I know it’s a tough subject, and it still makes me sick thinking about it. I also know some kids died and were injured, and that’s a horrifying picture for me as well. I think he should suffer, not die. There was a reason he did this, we need to know that reason. But that is all in God’s hands now.

Feel free to share your opinion with me and your thoughts, please not rudely, but share. I’d love to talk and see what people say about this.

I haven’t updated in a long time. I’m sorry, I’ve just gotten busy and living life and all that jazz. I’ve wanted to update, but I just wasn’t exactly sure what to say. I have too many thoughts running through my mind!

School and Future:

I’ve decided for this semester, to go ahead and finished my basics, and then maybe I’ll figure out what I want to do. I still want to go on the Missions trip, and take those classes, I just don’t think right now is good. I will know if God pulls me back towards there. I do feel a strong burden for it, so it will be in my future somewhere. I also think that God will help me figure out what I want to do as a career, I just have to help in taking steps towards it, so that’s on my mind a lot too.

Church:

Church is wonderful. It’s the best part of my life by far. God is so amazing, I can’t even begin to say all the amazing things he’s doing. I know as a personal journey though, I’ve slacked lately. I haven’t prayed like I should and I get caught up in school and in free time, I don’t pray, I do other things, and I shouldn’t. My goal is to fast and pray this week at least 2 times. If I want things to happen in my life, I have to make an effort, and with God by my side, I WILL! I can do this.

Our pastor told us to write down one person tonight who we will focus on for the rest of the year, to win them to God. I have my person in mind, and I’ve thought about it for a while, and I know God is not done with our situation yet. We didn’t come into each other’s lives just to leave when we have to grow up. I know God has another plan in mind, I feel it. So, that will be the person I focus on. 

Home Life:

Me and my dad still aren’t on the best page. He goes out every night, and he talked to be a little while ago about how people want to use him and all this stuff. I think my dad has very low self esteem, the way he talks about himself. So, I’m doing my best to pray and TRY to have a good attitude, which is really hard most of the time. But, God’s got this. 

I have decided I am going to spend the night with my grandma, maybe a couple of nights, just to see how it works out, and maybe he’ll realize some things. I really would just like a fresh place to start over. Even if it’s in my grandma’s upstairs. lol. There’s a bathroom, a bedroom, a living room and an extra room up there, and I know I would be comfortable. So, I stayed there Friday night and saturday night, so I’m going to for a few nights coming up too. 

God has my life in his hands, and he has the people around me in his hands. He knows what’s best for me. I’m so thankful I have someone to talk to and I know he will always be there, no matter what. My job is to talk to him more, he desires a relationship with me, as I do with him. 

Hope you guys have a great Sunday! I’d love to catch up with you, shoot me a message!

I’ve had such a great day, and it still isn’t over yet! Church was great, we had A BUNCH of people! At least 100, and I think over that. But, all my family was there. Most don’t come until a special holiday, like Christmas and Easter. It was so amazing to see all of them there. Especially, my DAD! My mom wasn’t able to come because she’s really sick, but It just made me so, so happy that my dad came. We also took a picture together, our church did family pictures today, and he took a picture with me:) Then, we had a big Easter dinner afterwards, he didn’t stay for that, but I was just thankful he stayed for church. 

Well, I was in line for some food, and a lady that I knew came up to me and asked which one my dad was, and I told her where he was sitting and what he was wearing and she said, “he was crying!” “He was touched today!” She said he tried to make it look like he wasn’t, but he was. I was so shocked…but I’m not going to say anything to him about it, I wouldn’t do that..but I prayed that God would touch his heart today, maybe change his mind a little, and maybe, just maybe this is a step. 

Also, I got home just a little big ago, and I asked him how he enjoyed church, and he said, “Yeah, it was good. It was fun.” He said it was fun, that NEVER HAPPENS. Then, I told him that it meant a lot to me that he came. And I asked if we could go take a ride since it’s a nice day, and he said, Yeah, we’ll see later. That also never happens cause he always says no. But, I don’t know, it’s just little steps…and I’m excited about it!

GOD YOU ARE SO AMAZING!

Okay, hey wonderful people! You guys are SUPER AWESOME! Thank you to all my new followers, I’m going to work on checking your blogs out! Promise! 

This week has been..*ehhh..* On a good note, I’ve walked 4 days this week, and it’s made me feel great! I’ve also lessened down on my portions, so trying to get healthy;) Another good note, spring break is this coming up week!!! NO CLASS! yesss.

God is working in my life, I can feel it. My thoughts have been changed around, I’ve learned to trust him with everything. Relationship wise, I got some news earlier this week about the guy I’ve like forever, his uncle talked to him about why he is missing a chance on being with a girl like me, and why he’s chasing all the other girls that he doesn’t need. He was smiling the whole time, but his problem is that he is “popular” when he dates those girls. So, what his feelings really are for me I have no idea. I tried not to get my hopes up, but in a way I did..and yesterday and today I saw things on twitter and facebook that really just didn’t make me happy. He was in a picture with the girl..and then she was saying he’s a sweetheart and a cutie and he said one of his followers is perfect. Anyway, that was a big bomb on my mood. I wish I could get over him, if he’s not the one I”m suppose to be with..but God’s Got This! 

Life wise, I’ve really thought about Hope Corps, it’s something I know I need to do, but then I get to thinking about it and I’m like..”I can’t do that..” I don’t know if it’s just so big and I feel like I can’t accomplish it..or what. It also is probably the Devil. But, I’m keeping my head on, and praying, and praying that God leads me.

Friendship wise, Me and my best friend are talking more, keeping schedules and all!!! I have no idea what I’d do without her. No idea. I pray that God leads us both in life, and keeps us close. God has our life mapped out! Whatever his will!!

Well, I guess that’s just about it…I’m still up to answering questions and talk if anyone wants to message me!! Also, if you want me to write about something feel free to ask me!!! 

Love ya’ll! God bless you!!

Who died for you and me.

Who, through desperation calling out, “Not my will..but thine!”

Whom his FLESH SCREAMED “I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS.”

But, he knew he HAD too. 

He knew it’s what he had to do.

Whom there is NO GREATER SACRIFICE that the one he made for us.

Who takes away our fear and replaces it with courage.

Who takes away our pain and replaces it will comfort.

Who takes away our broken heart and let’s us know he loves us.

Who takes away our sickness and give us healing.

Who is waiting of us to speak his name.

Who wants to help us.

Who replaces our confusion with his guiding hand.

Who replaces our doubt with knowing.

Who will never leave us or forsake us. EVER.

Who is our father.

Who is our shelter.

Who is bigger than anything we face.

Who Loves us.

He loves us.

So much…

*Tonight, as I was praying and singing, I just couldn’t help repeat..”I love you Jesus..” over and over again. Because it’s just what I was feeling. I look back at my life and I could have gone an entire different way. I could have been an entirely different person, but because of God and his everlasting love for me, I’m here today, and I’m in love with my great big God. He’s the one that’s been there for me when nobody else has. He is the one who stands up and holds me when I’ve fallen. He’s the hand that I cling to when all I want to do is fall apart. How can I come to the end of me, and still have all I need? Because of God. God never left me, not once. He loves me. He loves me and he loves you.

I love you God. I love you so much.

Somebody grasp a hold of this in their heart…no matter what you are doing in your life..no matter what you are going through. Please, know that God loves you. Every single one of you..he LOVES you. True love. 

Miss the days when I was a little girl.
Sitting on your lap while you help me draw.
You were always good at that.
Miss the days when we would play computer games together, and we’d become detectives trying to figure out the puzzles.
Miss the days when I helped in the garden. You made me my own little path.
Miss the days of you holding on to my bicycle, then finally letting go.
Miss the days when I could count on you to always be there.
I knew we would be okay.
I knew you were my daddy, and I was your little girl.
The way you smiled at me when I got something right or I picked up my Easter eggs.
When you had a mustache, I called you a clown and you thought it was so funny.
You worked hard for us.
You wanted all of us to be a family, me, you and mom.
But it couldn’t work.
But for me and you, you still worked.
But now..
We’ve grown apart.
Distance.
Silence.
Loneliness.
Mom has been really sick lately, and it’s scaring me, so I’m not able to talk to her lately.
And you have your own life going.
But you’re my dad.
And I’m still your daughter.
I just miss the feeling of family. My mom and my dad.
I want mom to get better and I want you to actually care.
But I can’t tell that you do.
But, It’s all in Gods hands..