I want to be the person I dream of. I want to live a life that's a shining example to people of how amazing God is. I want God to use me in any way and every way he sees fit. I want his plan for my life. I'm going to be myself in a world where people strive to fit in. I don't want to fit in. I was born to stand out! I want to help people. I want to encourage people. I want to listen to people. I want to be the hand they can grab on to when they feel like they are falling. I am a child of God. I am special. I am loved. So are you. I'm Apostolic Pentecostal, and proud to be a Child of God! I'm 19,and I have no idea what career I'd like to go in. I really want to focus on my walk with God at the moment, so I'm just a confused girl. I have insecurities. I have fears. But I have a God bigger than all that. You should remember that as you read my page. GOD IS AWESOME, AND SO ARE YOU!My Grandpa had to go to the hospital over the weekend for his heart. They thought they were just going to be a pacemaker in, but today we got more bad news. He has to have quadruple bypass surgery, and then dialysis for his kidney’s. They aren’t going to do it tomorrow, they are going to wait and do it Wednesday. Please Please pray for him. I know God can take care of it, I just wanted to request prayer if you are a prayer warrior!
Thank you!
What I’m living by right now, with God of course:)
I’m so excited for my future, I just have this feeling, that I know with God, ALL things are possible. God will never put me through something I can’t handle. He will not allow me to make decisions for myself, unless he KNOWS that I can do it. I know he’s going to be with me every step of the way. If I get out of his will, I will surely know that. Take life, and run with it. Take chances, and thank God for each day you are able to make those choices. I love you so much, God!!
Lately, my mind is been a jumbled, I’m not going to say mess, because I know what I’m thinking, and it’s all pretty positive, just a lot to think about!
So, on one hand, church has been wonderful. After the service I talked about on here, I’ve been thinking a lot, and I’ve just really thought more on how, I don’t want anything else in this world but God. For a long time, I’ve been stuck on this one guy, and lately he’s just been in the back of my mind..I’ve stopped thinking about him in a way, of feelings for him, there slowly just going away. And that’s a very good thing for me, because we have two different thought processes, and we’re different. He’s got this thought process on kind of, other girls, friends that he’s around, and the way he talks, it’s just different, and he’s changing, and I hate that. Because I feel like he could get so much more in life, so hopefully that will change for him. But, my thought continually has been, in order for me to even have any sort of love relationship, I have to be content with me. I have to be content with myself, and my relationship with God. Because only then will I be able to love someone else, and let someone else love me. So, I’m content, and i’m working on my relationship with God! It’s great.
Also, my Mom came to church this past Sunday night, she surprised me! She prayed and sought after God, and it was just so amazing. Hopefully, and I KNOW she will receive the Holy Ghost pretty soon:) I also got to pray with a young girl, she’s about 13, she’s had a rough life. She’s gone through a lot of things, and I know she gets picked on at school. She’s been very kind of in the background, she puts on the touch front. She says she hates church, yet she still comes. But Sunday night, she prayed, and cried, and I prayed with her, along with others, but you could just see the desperation on her face, and it just hit me. I told her afterwards, that I am always here when she needs someone to talk to. She will be in my prayers, very specially because I feel like she needs God in her life, and I pray that she can trust with everything she’s got!
College update:
I have decided on Middle School Education, English teacher, with a minor in Social Studies. I will be finishing up my basics this next semester. But, I have really felt strongly about Bible College for a long time. So, before I start on finishing up my major choice, I am going to try to go. So, I compared a few, and the prices, and what they offer, and I will be in the process saving up some money, and hopefully I may be able to get some of the scholarships they offer. But, it’s not too much, so if I have to take out a loan and pay it back over the years. My goal is to maybe try to start this next year, if not spring semester, then the fall. But, it’s a definite that I will be TRYING to do it!! I want more of God!! I want to expand, I want to get out, and I want to gain friendships, and more knowledge on what God wants me to be.
:)
Also, feel free to message me!! I would love to help or just talk. If you want me to write about something, I WOULD LOVE TO! Please, inbox me! Love you all, thank you so much for following me!!
I have to update you guys on my weekend. I’ve been really sick, with this crazy cough and I can’t seem to get over it, but I’m starting to feel better now, so hopefully it’s going away. But, last night I went to church with my Grandma and some friends about 40 minutes from where we live.
The service was AMAZING. The presence of God was so strong in that building. Young people were worshiping God, dancing, running, jumping, shouting, it was amazing. It’s the most amazing feeling in the whole entire world. There is nothing, and I promise you, NOTHING that could be better than this. I’m positive.
The guy leading the service was talking and I can’t even remember what he was talking about at that moment, because we had just been singing and talking about just worshiping God and how he can bring you out of anything.
All the sudden, as it was really crowded in the front, and everybody was gathered around praying, a girl, she looked about 14 or 15, she ran through, pushing people out of the way, jumped up on the platform, grab the preacher’s hand and pushed it to her forehead for him to pray for her, people ran to the front, surrounding her and you could see, in just a matter of minutes, the Holy Ghost fell on her! And it hit the whole building! She spoke in other tongues, and people continued to pray. I mean, WOW.
I had never witnessed that happening before. I can’t get it out of my head. That girl, she was so hungry for change, so hungry for her life to be different, I have no idea what her story is. I have no idea what she’s going through, but she decided, enough is enough and she wanted out of it. She needed God and she was going to get him! I just, I mean, speechless.
How would our lives be if we woke up each day in that thought process? If we were so hungry for God every day we woke up, instead of facebook, and stuff. So hungry for God, who cares if we need to skip a meal and pray, IT’S GOD! So hungry for God, we forget about our little issues, and trying to fit in with our friends, GOD is bigger than all that. God is here for us. We have to get hungry.
Nothing will change, if we don’t get hungry. Our community, our friends, our family will not be won to God, if we don’t get hungry!
We go into the real world, day to day, getting ourselves ready in the morning, putting on our faces as though nothing is wrong. We may look in the mirror, hating what we see, yet, we do that fake smile and go on about our day. We have a life to live, right? We have jobs to do, right? I have to get through this day. Whether we want to except it or not, we get ready in the morning for a reason. We care about our appearance. We edit our photos for a reason, we don’t want people to see our marks. Our blemishes, we have to cover up. People will laugh, right?
We have so many faces throughout the day. We put on our brave face. We put on on our happy face. Do you not look at people around? How many people REALLY look happy, I mean truly. Sometimes, we let people get the best of us. We see ourselves as black or white, we’re either good, or we’re bad. We’re either beautiful, or we’re ugly. We’re either smart, or we’re dumb. We’re either fat, or we’re skinny. We not only let people label us, we label ourselves.
Then, we go home each day, after having our faces blurred, our minds blurred, our sight blurred of ourselves, and we look down. We look down at the ground as we contemplate, “What am I doing?” “Am I really going to make something of myself?” “Am I really smart?” “Am I really beautiful?” “But, today, he told me I was fat.” “But today, he told me I wasn’t good enough.”
Why do we do that? Why do we label ourselves? Why do we look down on this amazing person that God has had in mind even before we were born? Look at our true face. Look at our real face. Yes, I have blemishes, we all do, embrace them. Embrace yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror, and say, “I am beautiful.” “God loves me just the way I am.” That’s all that matter, all that matters.
Before you put on that fake smile in the morning, look in the mirror. It doesn’t have to be fake. You have so much to be happy for. You woke up, you’re alive, and you are beautiful. Just the way you are, no matter what anybody says, anybody. Don’t you ever believe the lies that the devil has told you. Ever.
I have to remind myself of this a lot. I struggle with insecurity, very badly. I’ve had remarks made at me, that I was dumb, that I was stupid, that I was fat, I need to skip a meal or two, I’m ugly.. Yes, it hurt for that moment, and it hasn’t gone away completely, but all that matters to me is God’s opinion. He made me, he has me in the palm of his hands. So, the next time someone has something to say, just smile. You know who you are, I know who I am, I am God’s creation. I am loved by him. I won’t let anything crush me into the ground, I will stand. I will be who God created me to be, myself.
Two of my very good friends right now are having some very big problems arise in their life. So, I was curious and opened up the Bible App, and looked at the plan, “Finding Strength in Depression.” Here’s the start of it:
Pray: God, connect with me here, as I seek you in your Word. Begin with focus and openness to see what God has for you.
Read: The scripture slowly. Take notes.
Reflect: On what strikes you. Think through how God is communicating.
Respond: Speak to God directly about what’s in your mind and heart.
Psalm 42:5-“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
Psalm 4:1-“Answer me when I call you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer.”
Psalm 34: 17-19-”The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” (This verse, is one of my favorites. It’s just amazing to me, to think about how God really hears us. There is a great big God who knows all our thoughts, he knows what we’re going through, he just wants us to reach out to him. Once you say his name, once you reach for him, he will come to you. He’s waiting on us to make that effort. He doesn’t want you to hurt. He wants to give you rest. Give him that chance.)
Psalm 30:5-“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”
John 14: 27-27-“But the comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” ( Also one of my favorites. He will give you peace. He leaves peace with you. There is no reason to be troubled, or afraid because whether you really know it or believe it, you have God watching over you. He sees every step you take. He’s got you. That amazes me, just amazes me.)
Isaiah 41:10- “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”
Isaiah 41:13-“For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” (This one and the one of above I also love. Picture God reaching down, and grabbing your hand when you are hurting. When you are sitting in that corner, crouched down, hurt, tears pouring, imagine him lifting up your head, and telling you that you don’t have to fear, he’s with you. Imagine it, It’s such a strong image to me. I just can’t get enough of God’s love.)
Romans 15:4-“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the scriptures and the encouragement they provide, we might have hope.”
Romans 15:13-“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”
So many times we have pain in our life. Sometimes we feel as though that’s all we have. We get rough patches,we hit the hills and we can’t get over them. But look up, look around you because God loves you. He loves you so much. He wants to take that pain away from us, he wants us to be free. Let God. “Let Go, and Let God.”
I realize that God has a plan for me. I want to always keep that in my mind. If I ever start to forget it and take my life into my own hands, I want to be quickened, “God’s Got This.”
There are so many things I’d love to do. So many things I long for. Just to see what it’s like, You know? I want to jump off of a cliff, maybe not very big, I just want to jump into the water, and feel the freedom. The weightlessness until you fall into the water. I want surfing lessons one day. I’m terribly afraid of sharks, but I want that feeling. I want to try. Be in the water, catch the waves. I may be terrible at it, but I want to have that experience. I want to have a wedding, I want to fall madly, deeply in love with the man of my dreams. I want to have a life that God has dreamed of for me. I long for that. I want to sit in a cafe, and watch the rain fall. I’d love this in the city, watch the cars go by, while drinking coffee, or something. Peaceful, but busy. I want to stay in a fancy hotel, once in my life. Just once. With friends would be awesome, just one crazy, fun night in an amazing hotel.
I want to look at myself the way God sees me. I deserve love, and nothing less.
Listen to the words of this song. One of my favorites right now. Love his new album!
I haven’t updated in a long time. I’m sorry, I’ve just gotten busy and living life and all that jazz. I’ve wanted to update, but I just wasn’t exactly sure what to say. I have too many thoughts running through my mind!
School and Future:
I’ve decided for this semester, to go ahead and finished my basics, and then maybe I’ll figure out what I want to do. I still want to go on the Missions trip, and take those classes, I just don’t think right now is good. I will know if God pulls me back towards there. I do feel a strong burden for it, so it will be in my future somewhere. I also think that God will help me figure out what I want to do as a career, I just have to help in taking steps towards it, so that’s on my mind a lot too.
Church:
Church is wonderful. It’s the best part of my life by far. God is so amazing, I can’t even begin to say all the amazing things he’s doing. I know as a personal journey though, I’ve slacked lately. I haven’t prayed like I should and I get caught up in school and in free time, I don’t pray, I do other things, and I shouldn’t. My goal is to fast and pray this week at least 2 times. If I want things to happen in my life, I have to make an effort, and with God by my side, I WILL! I can do this.
Our pastor told us to write down one person tonight who we will focus on for the rest of the year, to win them to God. I have my person in mind, and I’ve thought about it for a while, and I know God is not done with our situation yet. We didn’t come into each other’s lives just to leave when we have to grow up. I know God has another plan in mind, I feel it. So, that will be the person I focus on.
Home Life:
Me and my dad still aren’t on the best page. He goes out every night, and he talked to be a little while ago about how people want to use him and all this stuff. I think my dad has very low self esteem, the way he talks about himself. So, I’m doing my best to pray and TRY to have a good attitude, which is really hard most of the time. But, God’s got this.
I have decided I am going to spend the night with my grandma, maybe a couple of nights, just to see how it works out, and maybe he’ll realize some things. I really would just like a fresh place to start over. Even if it’s in my grandma’s upstairs. lol. There’s a bathroom, a bedroom, a living room and an extra room up there, and I know I would be comfortable. So, I stayed there Friday night and saturday night, so I’m going to for a few nights coming up too.
God has my life in his hands, and he has the people around me in his hands. He knows what’s best for me. I’m so thankful I have someone to talk to and I know he will always be there, no matter what. My job is to talk to him more, he desires a relationship with me, as I do with him.
Hope you guys have a great Sunday! I’d love to catch up with you, shoot me a message!
SMASH - I Heard Your Voice in a Dream (by John McAvoy)
I love this so much. So much. Amazing choreography …and his voice..and I love the lyrics. This is just amazing, all the way!
